The 5 Emotions That Drag Us Down Or Shape Our Destiny

I watched three movies yesterday (a lazy week-end!). As the stories unveiled, I couldn’t help noticing how emotions interfere with certain decisions. Perhaps, being on the other side of the screen, made it easy for me to “see through” these characters.
Yes, I understand that the making of a movie, revolves around a “plot”. The roller coaster emotions, decisions and actions keep the audience entertained. The funny thing is, it’s not limited to the cinema; the very same thing happens in real life!

Looking back at your life, have there been moments which would have inspired a movie? I can recall a few. Some are funny(embarrassing!) and the rest.. awfully painful (no doubt, a recipe for a successful movie!)
May be you also created your own “plot” unknowingly…. giving away to emotions that shaped you to be where you are today.

Drag Us Down Or Shape Our Destiny?

Our minds perform a series of information processing in order to form strategies needed to live our daily lives (in other words, decisions are made!). We often have different preferences as to our preferred approach, varying between thinking and feeling. Ideally, everyone has a different "make-up" that influences how they take decisions.

I invite you to take a look at the last 5 (serious!) decisions you had to make. How did the following emotions influence that decision?

1. Fear
Of the future
Of change
Of failure
Of rejection
..............

Regardless of who you are or what you have achieved in your life, you have no doubt been confronted by fear in some capacity. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by our own experiences, by what someone has told us, by what we've read in the papers, watch on television etc.

Many of us don't pay attention to how fear is impacting our life, and we have grown to accept the “fear talk” as the norm. We believe what fear tells us, and sometimes we give a fair weight-age to a decision based on this emotion.

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear that you will make one." ~ Ellen Hubbard

2. Love
Who among us have not made hasty/crazy decisions because of love!

3. Lust
Desire, longing, craving, yearning.... for sex, power, wealth, possessions, success etc. Take a newspaper and browse through it; you will find many examples!

4. Anger
Anger is a great destroyer. Research has proven that anger biases people towards impulsiveness and risk-taking.

5. Pride
Pride based on personal excellence is encouraged. However, too much pride can easily tip the balance toward vanity, haughtiness and self-love.

Note: I know that this subject is much more complex than I reflect here. Indeed, it makes an interesting study for neuroscience and psychology. My intention was to ponder on how the regulation of emotions, influence our decision making. One might argue that we base a decision beyond the emotions mentioned here. I agree. I didn’t detail all because the emotions listed here, form the “basis” on which other emotions are built.

When making a decision, "parking my emotions at the door" has always been a challenge for me. How about you?

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Overworked & Overwhelmed? Achieving Life Balance Amidst Chaos

Just as I stepped out to get some groceries this morning, I ran into one of my neighbors. In an effort to be polite (and make conversation!), I asked the typical mundane question, “How are you?”. I was expecting a “Fine thank you, how are you?” but his reply was far from that! To my surprise, he sighed and answered, “Overworked & Overwhelmed”. As a result, what seemed like a 5 minute door-step conversation, made it into a blog post!

The challenge of life balance in today's frenetically paced world is without question, one of the most significant struggles faced by most of us. We are overwhelmed by the day-to-day demands of our careers, families, constant tugging from cell phones, internet, a sluggish economy etc.. We often feel there is not enough time in our lives to do the things we need to do, let alone to do the things we want to do!

The meaning of life balance may vary for each individual, but one aspect most people agree on is that life balance revolves around time. Guess what, I don’t agree with that and I will tell you why.

Twenty four hours. No scientist or philosopher or great individual of the past has ever gotten more! 24 hours... That’s all we get. No amount of wishing, complaining, or creative time management will ever change that.

No matter how many personal productivity techniques we master, there will always be more to do than we can ever accomplish in the time we have available to us, no matter how much it is!

We’re too busy because we choose to be.

It’s not really time management we should be looking into.
Even though much has been written about proper time management, the advice is more focused on making more efficient use of time. Wake up early, delegate ..etc In fact, too much emphasis on time management makes one obsessive, always watching the clock and thinking about what task is scheduled next.

So perhaps it makes more sense to give precedence to choice management over time management?

Decide what comes first
Living a balanced life is about integrating components of your life that are truly important to you and realizing that sometimes you need to make choices about what has to come first.
For something that seems so self-evident to most people, it’s remarkable how many of us struggle to put it to practice! Often, there is a myriad of excuses, the common one being, “I am not disciplined enough.” Perhaps it’s not a discipline problem at all. The problem is more often that the person has not yet sufficiently paid the price to get very clear about what matters most to them. What do you think?

By choosing what comes first, sometimes there are sacrifices. But living a balanced life doesn’t require you to give 100 percent of yourself 100 percent of the time. There will be times when personal/family life and work collides but by knowing what’s really most important to you and making choices based on this criterion, you’ll be better able to balance your decisions.

Stay close to the shore with your commitments
People who are too nice rarely say no. Faced with too many options and too much pressure, we respond with too many “yes”s. Recognize that you don't have to agree to everything and with everyone. Use your priority criteria to identify requests that simply aren't worth your time.

You become what you expect?
We all go through life expecting certain things. Rather than having more leisure time, we have less because we expect to do more and others expect us to do more.

Finally…
Finding a balance in your life is an ongoing process. Life is in a constant state of change... a work in progress. Allow yourself the time to regularly reassess the direction in which you are heading. Are you on track, or have you temporarily derailed?

I am iterating again... We’re too busy because we choose to be. What are your thoughts on this? Leave a comment and let me know.

Note:This post is submitted as part of the Life Balance Group Writing Project.

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NJ Informed Consent Bill Stymied By Senator // Pharmalot

NJ Informed Consent Bill Stymied By Senator // Pharmalot

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Seal - A Change Is Gonna Come

Great remake of a Sam Cook song

People-Pleasing: The Price Of Being Too Nice And What To Do About It

“Be good, be nice, be cool, share and care, don't be selfish, be reasonable, don't hurt others, help friends….”
Most of us have these values engraved within us, from childhood. The fact is, being nice is a good thing, and we can only wish that more people were nice(er)!

Then.. there are those “extremely nice” people, who are focused on wanting to please others to the detriment of their own needs. Dr. Harriet Braiker, in her book The Disease To Please classifies them as “people-pleasers”. At first glance, it may not even seem like a problem at all. In fact, the label people-pleaser may feel more like a compliment or a flattering self-description that you proudly wear as a badge of honor.

When being nice becomes a problem...

1. You’re stressing over a lot of things you shouldn’t be stressing!
2. You fail to deal with a problem (avoiding confrontation).
3. You are unwilling to speak up for yourself
4. Your niceness may even blind you to the fact that you are being manipulated and exploited.

Why does it matter so much to please someone else?
The culture we humans have created for ourselves is mainly driven by “what other people think,” the tension between the desire for approval and the fear of disapproval. Businesses, families, friendships, sports, politics; everything is heavily influenced by it.
All of us from time to time have a tendency to wonder “what others might think”, so I am not speculating that everyone who thinks this way is a people-pleaser! However, some tend to go overboard with it and as a result, self-esteem is all tied up with how much they do for others.

Overcoming a People-Pleasing Mindset

1. Accept That You Can’t Make Everyone Happy

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~Bill Cosby

Re-examine the idea that you always have to be nice. Often it is based on the belief that if you act and think nicely, then bad things won’t happen to you. Unfortunately, believing in the absolute power of niceness doesn’t work, because life isn’t always fair. Some people may not like you, for reasons beyond your control, or even because you are simply “too nice” for them.
So stop beating yourself up for trying to do the impossible. Recognize that the most important, effective and lasting approval is your acceptance of yourself. Look to your own judgments and values.

2. Focus on your own best interest instead of avoiding conflict
Learn that it is OK not to be nice, that you can say negative things and have negative thoughts or feelings toward others.
Give yourself permission to express anger appropriately, since continually suppressed anger can lead to frustration that can ultimately erupt in an explosion of aggression.

3. Don't wait, stop looking and let go!(if only it was that easy!)
Jonathan meticulously points out in his post The Secret to Happiness: Stop Caring, that everything we need is right here, right now, in the present moment. Most of us fail to realize this and look "outward" to find happiness.

4. Stop and ask the question “What do I want?”
Take time to ask your self what YOU really want BEFORE telling yourself that you should always put other people first.

Is this an issue you have experienced before? How did you get past the "people-pleasing" mindset?

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13 Ideas To Make Boring Jobs Bearable And A Little More Interesting

Have you ever noticed that when you’re doing something you enjoy, you’re right there in the moment? Sometimes, you don’t even notice time passing by. Your mind is on what you’re doing, and you’re awake and alert. Then... there are those mundane and boring tasks where five minutes of work feel more like an hour!
Cutting grass, using a carpet cleaner, folding laundry or doing simple paperwork don’t inspire a lot of abstract thought, but it has to be done. While you can evade (delegate!) some boring jobs, often you just have to do it yourself. Sadly, there is no magic wand that can be used to make these jobs easier. Making it more interesting..Again, it’s not something that automatically switches on when you want to. It requires a bit of tact and mental refinement! Here’s a few ways I’ve found this to work:

1. Break it down into smaller chunks. This really works for jobs that span across several hours/days. By breaking it down into smaller chunks, I can spend less time and complete a ”sub task” and have the satisfaction to cross it off in the TO DO list.

2. Resist the impulse to overdo. If you're the kind of person who tends to throw yourself into a job only to burn out after a week or two, consider giving yourself a break. Don't let yourself become obsessed in the beginning. If you have the flexibility to determine the “completion date/time”, carry out the task for a few hours each day and then continue with your daily routine. And all of us benefit from scheduling time for fun, even if it's only sneaking out to a movie or calling up an old friend.

3. Look beyond the actual job. One way to expand your focus when you’re engaged in a task that doesn’t interest you is to find out how it’s connected to something that you do find interesting.

Sometimes only a change of viewpoint is needed to convert a tiresome duty into an interesting opportunity.
~Alberta Flanders

For example, when Tsunami struck in 2004, I volunteered at the tourist board. As a volunteer, I didn’t have much say on the work that was given to me. It had to be done by somebody. I was given several bundles of paper work. My task was to enter these into a database. The database was supposed to be linked to the web site. The data I was entering were details foreigners who had died, information of hotels in the affected area, contact numbers of relevant authorities etc. I must admit, found the data entry part to be boring and exhaustive. But I did it anyway. I somehow got myself to think beyond what I was doing. I convinced myself that I had to completed this as soon as possible. I kept saying to myself, "once I finish this, relatives in foreign countries will be able to find more information on their loved ones (visiting Tsunami affected areas).... "

4. Use your prime time. Everyone has recurring lazy spots throughout the day. What’s the best time of day, YOU can fully concentrate? Basically, timing plays a big part on how soon you get the boring job done. So, tackling such a task just after lunch wouldn’t be the smartest thing!

5. Set time limits for tasks. How much can you get done in the next half hour? Set a target and see if you can reach it. This makes a tedious task less boring and, as a bonus, frees up more time for things you like to do.

6. Challenge yourself. This works well for me with repetitive tasks. For example, I sometimes keep a record of the time. If it took me 30 minutes to complete the task previously, I would challenge myself to finish in less time.

7. Add variety. Variety is a great way to spice up boring tasks. Try doing your activity in a new way. See if there is a different method for solving the same problem and try that. Having routines can keep you productive, but if you are starting to procrastinate, try switching things up to make it more engaging.

8. Learn more details. There are times when we are hesitant to do a job because it’s too complex. I head over to google and see what I can dig up on the subject. Usually the information I come across, make the job more interesting and sometimes, I even find better ways of doing it.

9. Accept Help. Now, this not imply “dump the task on someone else”! If someone offers to help you in any way, let him/her help. They wouldn’t be offering if they didn’t want to genuinely help you. Remember to be gracious and thank the person for helping you.

10. Engage in enough exciting tasks within the rest of the day. Doing one boring job a few hours won’t be much of a “big deal” if you fill the rest of the day with other interesting things.

11. Pump up the enthusiasm with music. For most people, it’s more fun to do physical work while listening to good music, than it is working in silence. I have mentioned about it before, and I can’t stress this enough.

12. Eliminate Negative Self Talk. Sometimes, even before we take on a task the mind is made up and the task is tagged as “boring”. The little voice in your head serves to make you feel bad and rob you of your energy. If you catch yourself slipping, change gears and focus on appreciating all it is that you already have and the things you have achieved.

13. Reclaim Your Sense of Humor.I know.. it doesn’t seem funny when you lose your motivation and can’t seem to find your way. The best way to change this is by simply deciding to do so. Look for the humor in things large and small, even in taking yourself so seriously to begin with. With a little change of perspective, the world can seem like a whole lot nicer place and that goal of yours not quite so out of reach.

I like to hear how you get through those boring tasks. (without driving yourself crazy!)

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