Are You Constantly At The Mercy Of Circumstances?

We just began the last month for this year. I don’t know about you, but I feel like the past couple of months breezed by, too soon! In a few weeks, we will be celebrating yet another new year.

I know a lot of people (including myself) had high hopes for this year. May be you set out by defining goals and objectives. Have you achieved what you set out to achieve?
Now, when you read that question what goes through your mind? Is your mind filled with all the things that went wrong in your life that resulted in a less fulfilling lifestyle? Does your response start with "No, because?"

So what about me? Am I on the right track? Hm…There are areas in my life that I am fairing well beyond my expectations. Then, there are other areas, I haven’t even begun to get on track.

Crap happens to everyone!

We live in a world where things happen that are out of our control, people do things we don’t like, and we get things thrown at us, that we didn’t ask for. When derailed by circumstances, even a positive person will find it difficult to remain positive.

Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays
We all have an unbelievably strong will to survive. So there’s no doubt that irrespective of the current circumstance we will eventually dig ourselves out of it.

However, by the time that happens, it might be too much of an emotional rollercoaster. You would have wasted loads of precious time, and sometimes health may have suffered as well.

Quit blaming your star sign and make the most of circumstances
You might not be able to choose your initial circumstances, but you can choose your attitude toward your circumstances. Sometimes the situation you are in is so tough, that you just cannot work your way out of the problem. You HAVE TO think your way out of the problem.

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.~Hugh Downs

Regardless of what aspect of your life you may be struggling with; you CAN totally change any undesirable circumstance. First, you have to believe it. Many people have absolutely no confidence in a better future; they accept things just the way they are as if they have no way of changing a thing.

I can’t promise you that it’s going to be easy. I am someone who believes that we can control of how we interpret and respond to circumstances. As easy and straightforward as it might sound, this requires a lot of work!

“We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” ~Don Juan

In the end, all that matters is that you have enough ambition, enough passion, enough drive to see what you want, visualize the success, and make it happen.

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."~George Bernard Shaw

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Give Yourself An Attitude Tune-Up

Before you sigh and say, "Oh no, just another post on positive attitude", I need to say something. I am not here to tell you that if you have a positive attitude everything in your life will be fine..

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~ Sir Winston Churchill

* What were your first thoughts when you woke up this morning? Was it "Oh no, not another day." or "Hooray! It’s a new day".
* Is the glass half empty or half full?

Most self-help books/articles would ask such questions, and stamp a "positive" or "negative" on your answer. Do you want to know my answer? I agree with Larry Winget (author of Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life) when he says, "Who cares! What difference does it make if the glass is half full or half empty? What’s important is does it quench your thirst?"

By no means am I saying attitude is not important. Attitude is important;
As Larry Winget points out in his book, "It is not really about being positive or negative; it is about what works and what does not work. It is about what moves you from where you are to someplace else. It is about what makes things better for you."

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude" ~ Maya Angelou

A few months ago, I bought a car. It has every thing I wanted in a car. The car interior was almost new, the mileage was low etc.. I was told that for my limited budget it really was a good deal. However, there was one thing I was not happy about; the color. Its sort of metal-ish pink. I suppose being a girl it shouldn’t matter much. However, it really bugged me. Of course I had the option of not buying, and keep looking for something else. But I didn’t. I though may be when I save a little more money I will repaint it another color. The funny thing is that since I bought the car I have save a sufficient amount to paint it but now I have gotten used to the color I like the way it is. The human mind acts in mysterious ways! You already knew that huh?

That was just one example of my life where I had to change my attitude. There have been many others, but I don’t want to bore you with all those. I just wanted to highlight that sometimes, it's inevitable that we change our attitude based on the situation at hand.

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." ~W. W. Ziege

All too often, we forget that our attitude determines our feelings, our feelings determine our actions, and our actions determine our results.

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Give Up The Guilt. You’re Not A Bad Person

Whether it is regretting that credit card splurge, agonizing about not returning your friend’s call or feeling remorse for not spending more time with your children or [insert your current guilty feeling here]... or worse...

Guilt hovers over you like a dark cloud. Thoughts seem to have a mind of their own, intruding at all hours of the day. Chances are that sometimes we feel guiltier than the inmates of Wormwood Scrubs!
So next time, the Judge Judy in your head goes into overdrive, follow these tips- and banish those bad feelings for good. (Well, I am trying to be positive here. Stay with me!)

#1. Stop beating yourself up
Ok. So you might have not done the right thing when it was required, but that doesn’t make you a monster. Instead of punishing yourself, and focusing on all the terrible things you think you’ve done, remember some of your good deeds.

#2. Do it for you
It might be trying to lose weight, feeling you should work late to please your boss or fretting about spending more quality time with the kids, but chances are there’s always something you think you should be doing. Living up to other people’s expectations leaves you wracked with feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
Ask yourself, what YOU want. The minute you realize your guilt comes from a perceived failure to live up to other people’s expectations, it will gradually disappear.

#3. Apologies
Sometimes, there’s a good reason for feeling guilty; like forgetting your anniversary, or forgetting to call your Mum on Mother’s day for example.

If your guilt is rational, then try to apologies as soon as possible. An honest apology will make the person you’ve upset feel better. (It might take a long time for them to forgive and forget though!)
Putting it off the apology will only intensify your feelings and you’ll waste energy fretting about it.

#4. Be a Do-Gooder
With so many atrocities going on in this world, it's easy to feel guilty about your own good fortune. We can’t always right every wrong. So try focusing on the little things you can change. You can do for other’s what they can't do for themselves.

It might not be enough to save the world, but it will soothe your conscience not knowing that at least you’re doing your bit.

#5. See the flip side
Begin appreciating what you’ve got instead of stressing about what you haven't got (I know this is easier said than done). There are always two sides to every story ;-)

#6. Get it off your chest
Sometimes the best thing is to talk it out. Tell someone you can confide in about your guilt.


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Why Do Smart People Do Stupid Things Sometimes?

In this post, I like to discuss one observation (out of the many observations!), I have made in my daily dose of life.

Even Smart People Do Stupid Things Sometimes….

Have you made this observation too?
Each one of us, have to interact with various kinds of people every day. It may be your spouse, parents, friends , relations, colleagues … the list goes on. Among these people, you may have a few who you really admire. In your opinion you might "tag" some of them as smart.
I am aware that the word "smart" is a subjective word. Smart, can be used for someone who has a degree Or someone who has good traits or [Add your list here]. So, I will let you decide the Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) for the word smart!

Generally, when smart people around you do stupid things, it will affect. Worst still, if you have to "clean up the mess". You might get annoyed, frustrated or even loose your temper. Not to mention the mental images of straggling the person!

Can you recall a situation? Did it result in endless questions of "Why Smart People Do Stupid Things?"

I compiled a list of reasons, based on my incidental gleanings. I feel that, if we are aware of the underlying cause(s), we might be better quipped to deal with the situation.
My reasons: why do smart people do stupid things sometimes?

#1 Emotions get in the way of logical thinking
This is the battle between logic and emotion. Where, logic is derived out of smartness and emotions outshine the logic :-)

#2 They react on Impact
For example, immediate reaction to something you just heard. (this is somewhat related to #1)

#3 Ego
Some smart people like to polish their ego. Let me phrase it differently. if they feel their ego is endangered, they might say/do something stupid.
For example, not admitting you are wrong even when you know you are wrong.

#4 Assumptions, Carelessness or Over-Confidence
I find it a bit difficult to differentiate the 3, so I took the lazy way and made it one reason.

"I wish I took a back up, before PC crashed", to what does that belong?
"I know for sure that this software will work, so I didn't test it"

#5 Self centered
What I think, I want, My Needs. Aha, Needs. The root of all heartache! I am sure you can find a few examples that can be listed here.

#6 Fear
Doing something (stupid) out of fear. Again, can be related to #1.

#7 Deafness
Failing to listen falls into this category.

#9 Living in the NOW
Some decisions may be made based only on the present. Where as, it should have been made with the future in mind.

#10 Center stage with stupidity :-)
Even smart people are not perfect. We are all human. Sometimes mistakes do happen. If the person is humble, he/she will accept responsibility and apologize. Then, you really know the person is smart!

If you are someone who associates with me, you might be thinking "Even Shamelle has done stupid things". I admit, I too have done a fair share of stupid things in my life time! I am far from perfect. With these reason's in mind, I will try not to do any stupid things intentionally. Of course If I do, please bare with me :-)

Having said all this, its just my point of view. I would love to hear what you have to say. Why Do you think smart people do stupid things? What are your thoughts?



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5 Reasons Why "Letting Go" Is So Difficult

My earliest memory of "letting go" something takes me back to my toddler years. I was so used to the feeding bottle, and I couldn't understand why my parents insisted that I get used to a cup.

I am an adult now. (I sometimes have to convince my self this!) During the years that have gone by, I have had to "let go" of many things. I am sure that you too, must have had your share. It could be shifting houses, migrating to another country, changing jobs, relationship break-ups, the death of a loved one ..... The list goes on. The reality is that Change - is The Only Constant In Life. Life is such that sooner or later we have to "let go" something or someone we have become attached to.

If you asked someone for advice on a "let go" matter, you probably have got lectures. Something in the lines of "Take my advice, I don't use it anyway". "Leave", "get over it", "move one", "You will get used to it". Have you gotten any of that lately? I am sure they all mean well. However, these are the very things that you might not want to hear. Yes, it is easy for a by-stander to give advice. I, on the other hand believe in,Practice What You Peach.

Think of the last time you were in a "letting go" situation. Did you enjoy it ? Was the decision to "let go" easy? Of course, it depends on what (or whom) you let go of and how emotionally attached you were. Have you every wondered why it is so difficult? If "letting go" was part and parcel of life, then shouldn't it be a little more easy? Does it get easy with experience? Does it get better with age ? Perhaps not.

So why is "letting go" so difficult? In one sentence, I can say "we make it difficult" or rather, "our way of thinking makes it difficult". Now, for more elaborate reasons.

#1.Transition from known to Unknown
When your in your "comfortable zone" its comfortable! You like it. It is convenient, and you are used to it. It doesn't require additional risk.

#2.Fear
I believe that fear is due to the uncertainty. Uncertainty of the future. "How will I manage without him/her ?", "Will I be able to learn the new skills need for the new job?" Basically, fear of change and the adjustments that follow. The truth is, most people want to change. But they want results, without any effort.

#3."Why"
You keep wondering "why did this happen to me?". As I have mentioned in previous posts, I think only God has the answers to all “why” questions. In the meantime, you can ask a different question. “What did I learn?”

#4. Wait and See
You keep thinking, "I will hang around a bit and see", "May be things will be better”, “May the next financial year my boss will give me a raise". Sounds familiar? You might be trying to figure out what is the "right time" to let go.

#5. Guilt
"Is this the right thing to do?", "Will I hurt him/her by doing this?", "How will the company manage without me?"

Do you agree with me?

3 Simple WaysTto Foster An Attitude Of Gratitude

#1. Acknowledge Your Blessings
It is a human tendency to want more. In the search for "more", we forget to be thankful for things, that we take for granted. As I mentioned in 6 Ways To Make You Feel Good, there are others, who are in a much worse position than you or me. So, make list of all the things that you are thankful for. Count them, one by one! Make a note to regularly revisit that list.

#2. Appreciate Others
A colleague of mine, left our company recently. It is a company norm that we give a card/gift, host a farewell and bid goodbye. Imagine my surprise, when she gave me a card that read something like this
"…I have come to admire you professionally and as a person, and it has been a privilege that you extended your friendship to me…"

Reading this, I was speechless. In a way I felt glad that I had touched someone's life. (Even though I couldn't pin point what I had done to deserve such kind words!)
The truth is that, if she didn't tell me, I wouldn't have known that I made a positive impact in her life.

#3. Practice 'Thank you'
Ok. Anyone can say it. It doesn't cost a thing now does it?.
Warning: If you are not someone who is usually used to saying 'thank you', you might find this a bit difficult at first. People around you might give wired looks too! Eventually they will realize that you are genuine about your 'Thank you's and that you don't have a hidden agenda that follows with it.