When Confronted With Criticism You Don’t Really Want To Hear, What Should You Do?

It’s that time of the year where I need to carry out appraisals for my team members. This is by far one of the hardest parts of my job responsibilities! Do I hear you ask “Why” ?

Just like clay is molded in to pottery, we are all shaped by the feedback we receive from those around us. The way a person perceives criticism, will have a powerful impact on their future reactions and how they feel about themselves.

So, how you keep your pride and career intact, when you are getting a dose of criticism you’d rather not hear?

1. Listen (Withhold Immediate Reaction!)

If you’re like most people, you won’t like to be criticized! You might feel you are not being appreciated. You might feel that it’s a blow to the ego. Your natural reaction might be to defend yourself or lash back.

This is exactly what I thought….when I initially started my career. I suppose I was lucky I had good mentors, who persistently showered me with constructive feedback. As time went by, I began to realize what Randy Pausch said in his bestselling book The Last Lecture

And when it was all over, one of the other assistant coaches came over and said, yeah, Coach Graham rode you pretty hard, didn't he? I said, yeah. He said, that's a good thing. He said, when you're screwing up and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up. And that's a lesson that stuck with me my whole life: when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.

2. Identify The Intent Of Criticism

People will always have opinions about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. And yes, it sometimes stings, in unbearable ways.

The question you need to ask yourself “WHY is this person criticizing me?”
Is it to prove they are right?
Is it because they are annoyed/angry with you?
Or are they criticizing your actions? Do they really have your best interest, in grooming you to be better?

Criticism can be a powerful tool when used with the intent of helping, improvement, or offering solutions. It’s helpful when someone – in a friendly manner – offers an honest opinion about you that fosters improvement.

3. Clarify

Does what is being said, make sense to you?
Is there a mismatch of expectations? What you expect, and what they expect?
Can you recall situations that might align with the criticism? If you are confused or unclear, ask for examples.

4. Assess The Criticism

Can you acknowledge the criticism and except your imperfections? Do you disagree? If you disagree, in a calm manner state your reasons and work with the other party.

How useful is the criticism? Something you were aware of? Something you never realized before?
What's the extent of impact? Major, minor, good to have, negligible etc

5. Figure Out The Kind Of Support You Will Need, To Improve

Can the person giving you negative feedback, help you get on track?
Can you manage to improve on your own?
Do you need training in certain areas?

6. Make An Action Plan

Once you figure out the kind of support you need, put together a plan of action. Set goals for the time period and make sure to follow through. Also, make a note of how progress can be measured.

7. Life Must Go On

Usually, when you are criticized, self doubt seeks in. Depending on the type of person you are, you might be “stuck” in the criticism for days or even weeks; you might keep thinking about the criticism, until it start to affect all areas of your life!

So, don’t dwell too much on the criticism. Remember that there are other areas where you are good or even excel at.


I would like to hear your thoughts on how you handle criticism. Leave a comment and let me know…, do you immediately react? Do you dismiss the criticism?

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Writing Effective Meeting Notes : Take Your Note-Taking Efficiency To New Heights!

Often I get pulled into unavoidable (sometimes unbearable) corporate experiences, called meetings. Some days, it seems like that only thing I have done is attend meetings! There was a time I used to scribble something on a notebook. I called it my meetings notes. (Basically, I had an accumulation of unprocessed meeting notes.)

The “wake up call” occurred one day when I spent about 20 minutes trying to find a “meeting note page”, on a meeting I attended about a month ago! Worse part was that I couldn’t remember a single thing from that meeting. (Things did fall into place when I finally found the particular page though!)

If you attend many meetings, track many projects, etc the benefit of note taking will be painfully obvious and taking meeting notes becomes a survival skill, naturally!

Yet, I am surprised at how few people bother to take notes in meetings.

Why Bother With Meetings Notes?

1. The value of the meeting (in most cases) is the action taken after everyone's left the meeting room. Effective meeting notes make the difference between a productive meeting and a waste of the whole group's efforts.

2. Taking notes prevents you from zoning away into the ceiling tiles! It is a way to stay more alert and be actively involved.

3. Notes make a platform for creativity.

Pen & Paper or Electronic Notes?

Recently, I put down my pen and paper and started using Microsoft OneNote. My reasons being
1. Since I have been in front of a computer all my working life, I type faster than I write. Now my notes are more comprehensive, as I am able to cover more details than before.

2. The ease of templates. From Status meetings to design meetings to …, I just have to fill in the blanks in the appropriate template.

3.It’s searchable; I am able to retrieve what I need in a few seconds.

4. Unlikely to get “lost”. With the notebook/paper, I sometimes, forget and leave it in some meeting room! The sad part is, I only realize it either when someone kindly brings it to me, or I need it for the next meeting. So having the laptop, simplifies this without a doubt.

Yes, the results have been uplifting. However, I still prefer the flexibility paper gives me to create diagrams and freely position my notes on the page. So based on the type of meeting, I use both in combination.

The process

Here are a few questions that will generalize what needs to be noted.

1. Which date was the meeting?
2. What type of meeting was it?
3. Who were the participants?
4. What was the purpose of the meeting?
5. What were the topics discussed?
6. What decisions were made?
7. What were the action items and who was responsible for each?
8. Will there be follow up meetings? What needs to be addressed in those?

For a long time I was taking meeting notes without a clue of how to go about it. Through the years I have refined “what” I take as meeting notes. As with many skills, good note taking skills take time to develop!

If you put these into practice you will find yourself more efficient and effective. It will definitely have a positive effect on your productivity.
Do you already have a habit of taking notes? What do you prefer? Pen or electronic?

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7 Career Advancing Tips To build An Impeccable Relationship With Your Boss

The relationship you have with your boss can be a major factor in determining your destination on the career ladder. It can be a wellspring of growth possibilities if nurtured properly or a career minefield if left to go sour. Thus, developing a good relationship with your boss is your best job skill and highly useful one, no matter where you work.

Note: In order to be consistent, I will use the term “boss” throughout the post. It can be interchanged with superior, manager etc. (Ideally, it is the person who you report to.)

1. Be an asset to your boss
You need to be an asset to your boss, if you expect him/her to be an ally to you. Bosses seek individuals who are self motivated; one who gets the work done right and completed on time.
This might seem like painfully obvious advice for developing a solid relationship with your boss, but it bears repeating. You need to understand that building good relationships won’t take you anywhere, without adequate job performance.

2. Observe and understand your boss's work style
Taking the time to learn your boss’s work style, will go a long way to making your life much easier.
For example,
* If your boss has said repeatedly that he hates being interrupted first thing in the morning, don't run to his office to give him a project update when you first get in.
* Notice your boss’s mode of communication. Does she communicate with staff mainly through email and written communications or does she prefer face to face discussions?
* Learn the behavioral clues that tell you when the boss is in a bad mood. Avoid escalating the situation.

What other things can you discover about your Boss?

3. Realize that you boss is human too!
Each individual has strengths and weaknesses and your boss is no different. Figure out your boss’s blind spots and weaknesses, then see how your skills can help fill the gaps. Try to do this with genuine generosity and tactfulness, not letting on that you see these weaknesses.

There is no doubt that bosses also make mistakes; your boss won’t always have all the answers. There are things which he/she will have to do for the first time and trial and error is always part of it.
Also, keep in mind that your boss has a boss too! Just may be that his/her boss is hard to get along with or has unrealistic expectations!

4. Don’t bad mouth your boss
Regardless of how you feel about your boss, don’t share your negative feelings with others in the company. The things you say in private have a way of making themselves known to the wrong people.
If you find something uneasy about your boss, it is always better to have a ”private chat” with him/her.

5. Manage conflict and disagreement.
Arguing with your boss over every request is not a good strategy, but neither is agreeing with everything your boss says. Show enthusiasm for your work and speaking up when you see room for improvement.
If you ever feel you are being unfairly treated or criticized, discuss your concerns rationally with your boss in a non-confrontational way.

6. Be responsible
Take responsibility for your own actions. Be sure that you're the one that tells the boss you have made a mistake. We all understand that mistakes happen, so when you are wrong, admit it and move ahead.

7. Communicate effectively
Some bosses are very hands-on, keeping close tabs on you throughout your workday. Others may talk to you once a week or less often and send you on your way to do your job. Whatever your boss's style, keep your boss informed.
Examples:
* When you receive a new assignment, make sure you know what is expected of you. I
* Admit when matters are beyond your control. It is never a weakness to ask for help when you need it

Typically it is up to you to establish and maintain the lines of communication between the two of you.


In summary, a good relationship produces a productive and communicative working relationship. It ensures you both know what is possible and feasible, ultimately achieving results that matter to you both.

Reference

• On the Job: How to Make It in the Real World of Work
• How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life

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Career: 62 Tips To Make Your Job Terrific (Lessons Learned)

August 1st marked another milestone in my career. I can proudly state that I have five years of experience in the software field! To a “seasoned” professional, it might not be a big deal. But it is to me!

In school, I was a shy kid with average grades. I don’t think, any of the straight A students thought I would be where I am today. I am still in touch with some of them, and I know my career stands out. (Yes, I am tooting my own horn! Do cut some slack. On a day like this, I think I am entitled to it!).
So what got me to where I am today? (Obviously, it’s not my Einstein brilliance!) Below are 62 of the most powerful “on the job” lessons in my life. Just because I wrote it here doesn’t mean that I excel in all these areas. But I try……. I encourage you to share yours by leaving a comment below.

Team work
1. Style differences can create barriers between people, if you let them.
2. Be willing to give and take.
3. Step up and do the part for the team.
4. Recognize and accept weaknesses and strengths of others.
5. Set the right expectation to your team members, clients, superiors.
6. Re-frame your focus from who is right to what is right.
7. Understand that others may see you differently from the way you see yourself.
8. Let cranky people be cranky; don’t take it personally.
9. Participate in other activities; get to know your team members
10. Be fun to be with!

Getting things done
11. Commitment starts in the heart; Commitment is tested by action.
12. Put a stop to putting it off (procrastination!); challenge your excuses.
13. The best way to learn something is to dive right in to it.
14. Remember, the first step is always the hardest!
15. If things don't shape up the way you expect, it doesn’t mean everything else is doomed as well.
16. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
17. You will not have interesting work to do 100% of the time.
18. Be open to try out new things, if your present work becomes too boring.
19. Be responsible and answerable to the work assigned.
20. Take time to celebrate small victories.

Leadership
21. Give people hope; inspire them and gain respect.
22. Work to understand the style and motivation of others.
23. Be decisive; your career depends on it!
24. Position and title doesn’t come with automatic rights.
25. Be aware of the connection between your fears and your judgments.
26. Focus first on the what, then on the how, and only then on the when.
27. Delegate wisely.
28. Always focus on the real issues, not on blame.
29. Practice ethical leadership and followership.
30. The higher you fly, the more you will be shot at!

Communication
31. Express yourself clearly.
32. Listen in order to be understood!
33. Don't dodge the spotlight! Get over the fear of public speaking.
34. Speak up at meetings.
35. Write meaningful, unsolicited reports when required.
36. Develop allies in other departments.
37. Harness the power of humor.
38. Confronting an issue does not have to be hostile or aggressive.

Productivity
39. Before you can deliver stellar results, you have to define meaningful goals.
40. Write a clear action plan.
41. Set your priorities
42. Learn how to say “no” gracefully.
43. Stop trying to be a perfectionist.

Work/Life balance
44. Work is not life; life is not work!
45. Know the priorities EARLY;
46. During times of personal turbulence, sit tight and see it through.
47. When required wear a poker face.

Personal/Career growth
48. Identify your weak areas and try to improve them.
49. Distinct yourself from others; find out what make you uncommon.
50. You are as good as you decide to be.
50. Capitalize on your strengths.
51. Learn to choose your reactions, instead of reacting automatically.
52. No matter what you hear, or see, always believe in yourself.
53. Give and ask feedback.
54. Handle criticism gracefully.
55. Fight only your own battles, and choose them wisely.
56. Do your best, and make sure that your best is exactly what is needed.

General
57. Be punctual, it makes you appear smart (even if you are not!).
58. Learn from mistakes (Yours and others!)
59. Do what you say and say what you do.
60. Done means done!
61. Find a mentor.
62. Make it easy for your boss to promote you!

If I go on, I’ll be writing too many :-) I will leave you with one more sentence. Perhaps, it summarizes the entire post!

Be reliable, honest, respectful, optimistic, professional, and resourceful.

If you have any lessons to add, I encourage you to share them with us in the comments below.

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Perfect Your Work Poker-Face (Looking Like It’s Under Control When It Isn’t)

You might argue that "looking like it’s under control when it isn’t", is trying to act "fake". However, there are times in life, when you need to hide what you really feel and show a poker-face. This is especially true in the workplace. We've all witnessed people who have lost control of their emotions at work, slamming doors, yelling at coworkers or customers, and saying things they'll soon regret.

Imagine this; the idea you have been working on profusely over the week-end is turned down by your superiors, your boss wears a hideous outfit to the morning meeting, you get dumped during the lunch break..... Whatever the trigger, there are some occasions when you are in hysterics (for good and bad reasons). Yet you know it is unprofessional to let out your emotions in the workplace. You are painfully aware that you are committing career suicide by losing control of your emotions at work. What can you do about it?

#1. Recognize what ticks you off
Be alert to the types of situations that knock you off-center. For example, if you get annoyed when people keep interrupting with questions during your presentation, plan before hand how you will handle any hecklers. Planning a positive way to react will help you defuse your anger before it throws you off.

#2. Give your self time
Try not to react in the heat of the moment. Yes, this is a "golden oldie" advice but it had to be said. Ensure you are not overreacting. If you feel your temper flaring on the phone or in a meeting, count to 10 to keep you from losing your cool. Analyze the facts before going on a rant or becoming defensive. Remember that the best way to stay unreadable is to look consistent, whether you are happy or sad.

#3. Don’t allow the stress of the moment affect your game plan
Consider your whole objective and what you want to achieve, rather than reacting to this particular situation. Even if you have just received some negative remarks from your boss and you want to scream, take a deep breath and visualize your long-term goal. Whether that’s a promotion or getting a good enough reference to leave!

#4. Understand your colleagues
The better you are at understanding your colleagues’ signals the better you will be at interpreting their motives. What initially seems to be a snide comment might be a feeble attempt at humor. By getting to know your coworkers' characters and personalities, you won't be blind-sided when they do or say something that irritates you.

#5. Talk to someone who can calm you down
Acknowledge and express your emotions appropriately with a close friend, and be prepared to listen whenever they are ready to explode. It really is a win-win situation.
I have always had someone to confide in, both inside and outside of the office, about my frustrations. These wonderful people keep my sanity intact, when the times are tough!

#6. Practice!
It takes time to train yourself not to allow your emotions to betray what you are thinking. If you perfect your skills to mask your emotions, you will be able to retain an air of professionalism, what ever happens at work.

Despite your best intentions, if you do end up erupting in a meeting, criticize a colleague's work or make ill-timed comments that you regret, apologize immediately to the targeted person and to everyone around who may have heard.

Do you use a "poker-face" at work? What are the steps you take, to keep your emotions intact?

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