Tampilkan postingan dengan label emotions. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label emotions. Tampilkan semua postingan

Senin, 17 Januari 2011

Just Because You Are Angry, Opinionated, Frustrated or Jealous


It’s intangible, invisible and mysterious; it’s one of the most powerful things our world has ever produced. Each day zillions of people battle with it and make a choice.

The force I’m talking about here.... negative emotions. Numerous times, we find ourselves reacting to circumstances, which periodically seem beyond our control. Sometimes, we are not even aware of such situations, until we’ve reacted to another person’s negative inter-communications. Every time we react, we allow the other person to control our emotions.

Often, we don’t realize it. Our ability or rather the inability to deal with negative emotions has a huge impact on the quality on the “quality of life” we lead.

So remember,
Just because you are angry
Doesn’t mean you can take it out on me.
Doesn’t mean I have to agree with you.

Just because you are in a bad mood
Doesn’t mean I should also be in a bad mood.
Doesn’t mean I should treat you any differently.

Just because you have an opinion
Doesn’t mean you are right.
Doesn’t mean you have to share it.
Doesn’t mean I am wrong.

Just because you are jealous
Doesn’t mean I can fix it.
Doesn't mean you have to be a [censored!].

Anything you would like to add? Leave a comment and share.

Note This post was partly inspired by Seth God’s post, and is also follow up to one of my older posts, 5 Emotions That Drag Us Down Or Shape Our Destiny.

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Senin, 22 Maret 2010

5 Ways To Emerge Stronger When Your Best Is Not Good Enough

I have a friend who is a really good dancer. She recently participated in a dance sport championship and despite her training and preparation, she ended up fourth. When I talked to her after words, I could sense the disappointment when she told me, “My best wasn’t good enough”.....

In my experience, it's usually something of a personal nature that carries over into every aspect of our lives. Sometimes, no matter what we do, it's just feels not good enough.

best is not good enough
“I'm trying my best at work and I still feel like a failure all the time.......”

“I study so hard but my grades are still low”

“I’m doing my best to make this relationship work, but it’s not going anywhere”

[your story here!]

Surely, you’ve had moments where you felt your best was not good enough? You felt helpless and couldn’t really figure out what to do next?

Well, here are some steps you can take when you find yourself such a situation. This is a list of options to consider; to help you decide what your next step will be.


1. Don’t quit

This may seem obvious but when you feel defeated, this is the first thing that comes to mind. You start questioning your abilities and wonder whether you are on the right track etc.
If you feel you have potential to improve, you need to keep working toward that objective.

2. Recite affirmations about your worth and capabilities.

When you get that feeling of “not being good enough”, you start being your worse critic. The mind becomes a battlefield of negative thoughts.
Remind yourself, “I know I can do it”. If not, your inner critic will say, “Who are you kidding, you have never done this before. What makes you think you’re going to do it now?”
Read more on how to Give Yourself An Attitude Tune-Up

3. Evaluate what you need to learn and improve

Leaving pity talk aside, what really is the reason that you feel you are not good enough. What are the things you need to learn, practice and put into action?
Is there a way to measure progress? Revisit your goals and ambitions; you need to develop a personal plan for continuous improvement.

4. Raise your standards

Whatever you have in life, you have got everything you deserve because the actions you have taken to date, have produced it. These are the standards that you have to set for yourself; until now, and until you do something different you will not get a different result. Only when you raise that standard yourself can you expect to raise your expectations.

5.Use motivational quotes to keep you going

I like to keep track of quotes that really speak to me and give me a different perspective.
I’ve written about it before. Check these out.. (in case you’ve missed these previous posts)

Have you ever been struck with the feeling that you best wasn’t good enough? Howe did you recover? What did you do? Leave a comment and let me know.

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Senin, 31 Agustus 2009

Decision Making On Money, Love, Work & Health: Why Decisions Errors Are Made

Decision Making
Decision making is something that happens throughout our day but with different degrees of importance, urgency and consequential outcomes.
Your life at this very moment is the result of every decision you have made along the way. There is no doubt how easy life will turn out to be, if we can make good decisions quickly and easily. But we both know that in reality decision making is not that clear cut!
Everyone makes wrong decisions sometimes or bad ones for that. I am sure you can recall moments where you said to yourself, “I wish I didn't make THAT decision”.
How many times have you heard stories about smart people making stupid decisions with their money? This happens all too often and baffles everyone. Have you ever wondered why intelligent, sensible people make such mistakes and rash decisions?

Guidelines, strategies that tell us how to make a decision. Sadly, it doesn’t always produce a correct answer. However, sometimes they are the reasons why people make the wrong decisions.

Given below are such 12 such heuristics, with reference to the book, Changing Minds In Detail. (A slight tilt towards psychology)

1. We Are Too Confident In Our Own Judgments

(Overconfidence barrier)Over confidence is feeling of exaggerated trust in someone or something, which is in decision making process, especially in evaluation of alternatives.

2. Our Moods Bias Our Judgments

(Mood-Congruent Judgment)When we are in a good mood, we see the world in a more friendly light, and our judgments are more positive. Likewise, when we are grumpy we evaluate things around us as being bad.

3. We Value Certain Gains & Try To Avoid Certain Losses

(Prospect Theory)We tend to value a gain, that is certain more than a gain that is less than certain, even when the expected value of each is the same. The opposite is even truer for losses: we will clutch at straws to avoid a certain loss, even if it means taking even greater risks.

4. We Are Reluctant To Pull Out Of An Investment

(Sunk-Cost Effect)We all know that we can reverse the past, and we can’t get back money or time that we already spent. But many people irrationally take sunk costs, time, money, or other resources which have already been spent and can't be recovered, into their decision making.

5. We Pay More Attention To Some Facts, Than Others

(Focusing Effect)When we are making judgments, we tend to weigh attributes and factors unevenly, putting more importance on some aspects and less on others.
This is typically due to factors such as stereotyping and schemas that we use that bring certain factors to mind and downplay others.

6. We Value More Highly The Things We Own

(Endowment Effect)The endowment effect, also known as “status quo bias”, is the phenomenon in which most people would demand a considerably higher price for a product that they own than they would be prepared to pay for it.

7. Agreeing With What Supports Beliefs And Vice Versa

(Disconfirmation bias)When people are faced with evidence for and against their beliefs, they will be more likely to accept the evidence that supports their beliefs with little scrutiny yet criticize and reject that which disconfirms their beliefs.

8. We Only Use Limited Logic In Decisions

(Bounded Rationality)We will try to logically understand things and make sensible choices. However, the world is large and complex, and we do not have the capacity to understand everything. We also have a limited time in which to make decisions.

9. We Prefer A Known Probability To An Unknown One

(Ambiguity Effect)When people make decisions, sometimes they have a good understanding of the probability of something happening whilst other times the situation is ambiguous, whereby the probability of the event is unknown. In such situations, people are more likely to choose the former situation, preferring a known probability over an unknown probability.

10. Recent Events Seem More Likely

(Availability Heuristic)We make a judgment based on what we can remember, rather than complete data. In particular, we use this for judging frequency or likelihood of events. Since we remember recent experiences or reports, then the news has a significant effect on our decisions.

11. We Base Decisions On Available Small Samples

(Biased sampling)When we need to make a decision and when we have very little real information about the subject in question, we will blithely base our decision on that very limited and hence biased sample.
For example, if we go to a restaurant for one meal and then someone asks us what the restaurant is like, we will give an authoritative pronouncement, based on that single experience.

12. Belief We Can Predict Random Events

(Gambler's Fallacy)I toss a coin and it comes down heads. I expect the next coin to be more likely to be tails than heads. It comes down heads. Now I am even more convinced that the subsequent coin will very likely be tails. If I am a betting person, I might double my bet each time, sure that I will walk away a winner.

13. Assuming Success Breeds Success

(Hot Hand Phenomenon)When a person succeeds at something then they are more likely to succeed in subsequent attempts, whereas the truth is that they are still governed by the laws of chanced.
Whilst there is some truth in this in that a person may be particularly fit or their confidence is boosted by an initial success, the 'Hot Hand' phenomenon goes past this where people make assumptions that are statistically inaccurate.

Has your decision making been influenced by the above heuristics? Was the outcome good/bad ?

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Selasa, 03 Februari 2009

Is Heavy Thinking Ruining Your Life?

Over thinkingThe mind is like a vehicle! It’s given in good condition with sufficient fuel! The way you steer the wheel (THINKING!) , can lead you to “wonderful treasures” or “destructive destinations” ever known to mankind.

Perhaps, the world would be a better place, if more people spent time “thinking” about circumstances, consequences, decisions BEFORE taking action. Anyone you can think of? politicians, media folks, Ex-s … ahem..

What about you? Are you a moderate thinker? Heavy thinker?

How do you know, when heavy thinking is gradually ruining your life? The simplest answer is that it paralyzes you in certain functions of your daily lifestyle.

  • You can’t get that problem or situation out of your mind (a distraction, obviously!)
  • You thought about all angles, but it still does not make sense.
  • You think that if you spend enough time thinking about it, you will figure it out.
  • Over stress yourself and occasionally those around you.

At some point in life, we all go through these phrases of heavy thinking. However, if it is a part of your everyday routine, where you....
  • Run things that happened to you over and over in your head
  • Think “I should have said this”, “I could have done this”, “I wonder what he/she thinks of me”
  • Then… it will become a problem.

Heavy thinking can lead to..

Worry By over thinking things, you make them more and more complicated in your mind. It can turn something fairly simple, into a big pile of worry!

Over-caution All the “what if” questions can sometimes lead to negativity.

Doubt Many people doubt the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worse of all, they doubt themselves.

Indecision When worry, over-caution and doubt come into the equation, making a decision can be a daunting task.


Things to do when over thinking takes over the mind

If you have already tried praying, meditating, exercising, here are a few things to remember.

There are some things, despite your best effort you will not be able to change it. You may not LIKE it, but you must ACCEPT them, and move on.

It’s near impossible to find a “exact point” where you will have “everything figured out”.

Try not to constantly relive situations and wish you had made different choices.
Things may be hard and difficult. Your mind has the ability to make it even harder!
Set a deadline for decisions that you postpone. For example, over this week-end I will decide on …..
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.~ Lord Buddha

“Thinking” is something that is common to each of us. How do you manage to strike a balance between making the “right” decision and not letting heavy thinking get in your way?

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Minggu, 26 Oktober 2008

The 5 Emotions That Drag Us Down Or Shape Our Destiny

I watched three movies yesterday (a lazy week-end!). As the stories unveiled, I couldn’t help noticing how emotions interfere with certain decisions. Perhaps, being on the other side of the screen, made it easy for me to “see through” these characters.
Yes, I understand that the making of a movie, revolves around a “plot”. The roller coaster emotions, decisions and actions keep the audience entertained. The funny thing is, it’s not limited to the cinema; the very same thing happens in real life!

Looking back at your life, have there been moments which would have inspired a movie? I can recall a few. Some are funny(embarrassing!) and the rest.. awfully painful (no doubt, a recipe for a successful movie!)
May be you also created your own “plot” unknowingly…. giving away to emotions that shaped you to be where you are today.

Drag Us Down Or Shape Our Destiny?

 Emotions That Drag Us Down Or Shape Our DestinyOur minds perform a series of information processing in order to form strategies needed to live our daily lives (in other words, decisions are made!). We often have different preferences as to our preferred approach, varying between thinking and feeling. Ideally, everyone has a different "make-up" that influences how they take decisions.

I invite you to take a look at the last 5 (serious!) decisions you had to make. How did the following emotions influence that decision?

1. Fear
Of the future
Of change
Of failure
Of rejection
..............

Regardless of who you are or what you have achieved in your life, you have no doubt been confronted by fear in some capacity. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by our own experiences, by what someone has told us, by what we've read in the papers, watch on television etc.

Many of us don't pay attention to how fear is impacting our life, and we have grown to accept the “fear talk” as the norm. We believe what fear tells us, and sometimes we give a fair weight-age to a decision based on this emotion.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear that you will make one." ~ Ellen Hubbard
2. Love
Who among us have not made hasty/crazy decisions because of love!

3. Lust
Desire, longing, craving, yearning.... for sex, power, wealth, possessions, success etc. Take a newspaper and browse through it; you will find many examples!

4. Anger
Anger is a great destroyer. Research has proven that anger biases people towards impulsiveness and risk-taking.

5. Pride
Pride based on personal excellence is encouraged. However, too much pride can easily tip the balance toward vanity, haughtiness and self-love.

Note: I know that this subject is much more complex than I reflect here. Indeed, it makes an interesting study for neuroscience and psychology. My intention was to ponder on how the regulation of emotions, influence our decision making. One might argue that we base a decision beyond the emotions mentioned here. I agree. I didn’t detail all because the emotions listed here, form the “basis” on which other emotions are built.

When making a decision, "parking my emotions at the door" has always been a challenge for me. How about you?

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