Would You Help Others Succeed Without Expectations?

I was at a singing recital last Saturday and got to witness some awesome singing. It was mostly solo singling with a piano accompaniment. The singing was truly dessert for the ears! I noticed that the pianist was also talented, however the center stage spotlight was for the singer. When the song ended everyone applauded, including the pianist. The pianist looked happy and her applause seemed genuine.

This small event, made me think about how we support and applaud others.
Sometimes, it’s equally rewarding to see that the effort you willingly put in to help someone, has built the foundation for that person to succeed.

If you read this blog with any regularity hopefully you know that I am a believer in helping others succeed by giving with no expectation of return.

All of us are “programmed” to expect something in return. It might be appreciation, reward or something in return, that would validate the help you give someone succeed. So helping someone without expectations doesn't come naturally. (Not even to me!)
Sure, there have been plenty of times where certain help goes unnoticed or taken advantage of.

There is nothing wrong in reciprocating a good deed or a favor. Indeed, we make a living and the economy is revolved around the supply and demand => "give and take". So I am not saying that you should do everything with nothing in return! It simply doesn’t work that way.

"When, and if, you do for me, I’ll do for you."
Is that the attitude you have? Are you one of those people who wait for others to go first?

I have found that the more I give and help, the more I receive. However, that’s not the reason for giving and helping others and I hope it’s not yours. Indeed,Good Deeds Get Rewarded (Even Here On Planet Earth!).

The best reason for giving and helping is the basic joy of making a difference in other people’s lives. To me, it feels good, to have helped someone and see them succeed.

Before you leave this post, I would like you to ask yourself, the following

What are the best ways for me to help, other people see success?
Do just that and help someone else be successful...

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6 Things You Can Do More Of To Enhance Your Life This Year

1. Be More Conscious

You wake up in the morning, have a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work, return home, eat dinner, watch television, go to sleep ..(or something of the sort)
Do you repeat the same sequence of actions from Monday to Friday without being totally conscious of what you are “really” doing?

It seems as if every day is centered on 3 things.
1. Trying to get a handle on what happened yesterday
2. Trying to cope with what’s happening now
3. Wondering/Worrying about what will happen tomorrow

Days, weeks, months and years pass by. Each year, goes faster than the previous one. It seems "life just happens", doesn’t it?

2. Be More Time Rich!

(When everyone around is concentrating on being Money Rich, Time Poor!)
If you haven’t figured it out already, "true wealth" has very little to do with the zero’s in your bank account. Yes, yes, I am not denying that you need money. The problem is, I don’t think any of us are satisfied and we will always want more!

As Tim Ferriss says, "the currency of the New Rich is time and freedom. Most people think they need to sacrifice their life, to get the money to achieve either one. Only when it’s too late they figure out they are wrong"

3. Be More Authentic

(less “fake”!)
In this day and age, more and more, the tendency is to copy others; or try to be someone they are not while living in pretense. How fake is your smile?
You are unique in many ways. Be more "you"!

4. Read More

No, I don’t mean spending time on the internet reading gossip and other news! Ask yourself, what is it that you want to learn more about?

With everything that’s happening in your life e.g Facebook, twitter and continues updates, do you have "uninterrupted" time to sit and read?
Select your books and make a list of books that you want to read this year. I’ve already selected mine. Aiming at around 3 books a month. I will share my list in a future post and make myself accountable!

5. Take more care of yourself

Most of us know the basic rules for ensuring we don’t cripple ourselves at our desks. The problem is that often we not actually practice them!
Eat well, and by well I don’t mean scrumptious dessert and junk food! Yes, some of might need that to get by, but the point I am highlighting here is that there should be a healthy balance.
Exercise, get more sleep, rest and remember allocate some time “just for you”.

6. Be More happy

I know that I want more for myself. You probably want to be happier yourself. However, most of us really don’t know what makes us happy. You think it’s the SUV, you always dreamed of or [your need here], but you will realize that even if you get that, you will only be happy for a while. How can you sustain happiness?

Go, be more happy!

Happy New year everyone!

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Self-limitations We Impose On Upon Ourselves

If you have ever found yourself holding back on something you really wanted to do, you are familiar with self-limitation. Limitations can serve us in some ways, like reminding us that we don’t have the ability to fly off a roof and land safely on our feet; and they can confine us in other ways, by creating doubt and fear about our ability to create more fulfilling circumstances.

I would think that most of our self-limitations are easily identified as helpful or harmful; We can decide which we want to keep and which we want to discard.

Take a moment to think about your own perceived limitations. What do you believe you can’t do yet? What do you believe you’ll NEVER be able to do? Why do you think so?

Once you’ve identified as many of your limiting beliefs as you can; take a closer look at them. Are any of them hopelessly impossible, or do they just feel that way? Have other people been able to accomplish something that you want to accomplish? Have you accomplished anything in the past that was difficult? How did you overcome the obstacles you faced? Could you apply the same process to any goal?

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Give Up The Guilt. You’re Not A Bad Person

Whether it is regretting that credit card splurge, agonizing about not returning your friend’s call or feeling remorse for not spending more time with your children or [insert your current guilty feeling here]... or worse...

Guilt hovers over you like a dark cloud. Thoughts seem to have a mind of their own, intruding at all hours of the day. Chances are that sometimes we feel guiltier than the inmates of Wormwood Scrubs!
So next time, the Judge Judy in your head goes into overdrive, follow these tips- and banish those bad feelings for good. (Well, I am trying to be positive here. Stay with me!)

#1. Stop beating yourself up
Ok. So you might have not done the right thing when it was required, but that doesn’t make you a monster. Instead of punishing yourself, and focusing on all the terrible things you think you’ve done, remember some of your good deeds.

#2. Do it for you
It might be trying to lose weight, feeling you should work late to please your boss or fretting about spending more quality time with the kids, but chances are there’s always something you think you should be doing. Living up to other people’s expectations leaves you wracked with feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
Ask yourself, what YOU want. The minute you realize your guilt comes from a perceived failure to live up to other people’s expectations, it will gradually disappear.

#3. Apologies
Sometimes, there’s a good reason for feeling guilty; like forgetting your anniversary, or forgetting to call your Mum on Mother’s day for example.

If your guilt is rational, then try to apologies as soon as possible. An honest apology will make the person you’ve upset feel better. (It might take a long time for them to forgive and forget though!)
Putting it off the apology will only intensify your feelings and you’ll waste energy fretting about it.

#4. Be a Do-Gooder
With so many atrocities going on in this world, it's easy to feel guilty about your own good fortune. We can’t always right every wrong. So try focusing on the little things you can change. You can do for other’s what they can't do for themselves.

It might not be enough to save the world, but it will soothe your conscience not knowing that at least you’re doing your bit.

#5. See the flip side
Begin appreciating what you’ve got instead of stressing about what you haven't got (I know this is easier said than done). There are always two sides to every story ;-)

#6. Get it off your chest
Sometimes the best thing is to talk it out. Tell someone you can confide in about your guilt.


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The War Is Over; Man Understands Women

About a week ago, a good friend of mine broke up with his girl friend of 3 years. There were many reasons for the break up, but he summed it up by saying, “complicated practicalities”. I called him up last night to check up on him. It is hard enough going through a break-up but I suppose it is even more difficult when valentine day is around the corner. As expected he was feeling down and was full of self-pity. After complaining about his situation for several minutes, he sighed and said, “I give up. I don’t understand women.”

I bet he is not the only one. Men, through the ages have thrown up their hands in surrender, after battling one of womankind!

So this post is something I put together, to help him and others, who are in similar situations. It is dedicated (but not limited) to those of you who will be spending this Valentine’s day drinking Bleach Schnapps and jumping off fire escapes!

So You Wanna Understand Women?

I am aware that dealing with women is a topic of vital importance to most men. I won’t lie to you, or hold out some ridiculous claim that reading this post, will instantly turn you into a super-stud women understanding machine. Nevertheless, this post will get you closer, from where you are now. After all, women are complicated creatures!

Let’s get started, we have got a lot of work to do!

3 Facts to keep in mind, Always

Fact #1: Men are still from mars, and women are still from Venus
Yes, I know; you already know that right? However, I must remind you THIS is the root cause of all problems. I think the one thing that men and women have in common is that they are from the same species.

Here is an excerpt, from Doug and Barbara Pease’s book,Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It with some good examples!

When a man goes to a rest room, he usually goes for one reason and one reason only. Women use rest rooms as social lounges and therapy rooms. Women who go to a rest room as total strangers, can come out as best friends and lifelong buddies. But everyone would be instantly suspicious of the man who called out, “Hey Frank, I am going to the toilet, you wanna come with me?”
Men dominate TV remote controls and flick through the channels; women don’t mind watching the TV commercials. Under pressure men drink alcohol and invade other countries; women eat chocolate and go shopping!

Just as much as men are trying to understand women, women are also trying to understand men! It is a continuous cycle.

Fact #2: Women… each and every one of them is unique. Once you figure one of them out, another will throw you a curve ball!
All women are not the same; all relationships aren’t either. Just because you know one woman, doesn’t mean the same “style and strategy” will work with all other women. Comparing each other won’t help either!

Fact #3:Man has will, but woman has her way
At family reunions, there is an embarrassing story that practically everyone keeps reminding my cousin brother. They laugh and tease him about it, to date! Let me share it with you (and hope my neck doesn’t get chopped off!). When he was in forth grade he had a crush on a girl. I think it was his first crush. One day she received a note from her saying, “I like you; Do you like me? ”. Obviously, he was over the moon! Later that day he went over to talk to her on the playground. She was standing with a group of her friends. When he was approaching her, she had pointed at him, and everyone has giggled. Sadly, it was a big joke it was considered a joke by these 11 year olds. But my cousin was very upset and he refused to go to school for about a month!

Anyways, what I mean to say is that, the typical guy is usually clueless about the mind games women play. You better be aware of what’s going on.

What does she really mean?

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not get been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a women want?" ~Sigmund Freud

#1. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]
Listen and don’t offer advice until it is asked.
I wrote a post about this a couple of weeks ago. If you want to be understood
#2. "Yeah yeah, you look fine" is not a compliment. Show some interest in our lives! We appreciate attentiveness.
#3. Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go to the grocery store! Try to do what they are waiting for you to do.
#4. Don’t take everything we do for granted
#5. Be okay with our independence
#6. Pay close attention (there might be a quiz later)
#7. Do unexpected stuff. I mean NICE unexpected stuff!
#8. Remember dates. If you forget use the assistance of technology to remind you (But don’t tell her that!).
#9. "My eyes are up here ...", need I say more?
#10. I don’t want to talk about it = Go away, I need some space.
#11. I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
#12. Be yourself. Don't try to be anything but yourself. Generally, women know if you are really trying, not to be you!

This blog would probably run out of storage space, if I try to detail out every delicate thing.Having said all this, it can be easily summarized into one point.

Guys, we are complicated, messy, and hard to understand....sometimes ;-) While there are many articles offering you "magical insight", what will work for you will be how well you communicate. If you want to know something, just ask. The true solution will come when we are finally able to encourage open and honest communication. As I said before, no two women are exactly the same so sometimes a generic answer will only help you to understand the one you care about even less.

Perhaps, Helen Rowland has the best of advice anyone can ever offer.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at all. ~Helen Rowland

Ladies...Are you with me? Have I left out anything? What have you got to share?
and gentlemen... Is there a guide to understanding men? lol ;-)

These steps are easy to learn and remember. With practice (and patience) you will master them and will be more successful in understanding women, than you ever imagined. Good Luck and Happy Valentines day. Hope you have a good one!

Note:If you have read up to this point, it shows that you have a genuine interest in the subject. Don’t let the journey end here; check out these books. These books offer more superior wisdom, than I ever can!

* GenderSmart: Solving The Communication Puzzle Between Men and Women
* What Women Want: What Every Man Needs to Know About Sex, Romance, Passion, and Pleasure



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If You Want To Be Understood.......

On my way from work last Friday, the radio played the song I will always love you by Whitney Houston (This is not a post about love, keep reading!). I have heard this song several times before. In fact, this was played at a wedding I recently attended. Come to think of it, for many wedding occasions this song is an obvious choice. I was confused….

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

If one examines the lyrics, the chorus is all lovy, dovy. However, I wouldn’t consider other parts of the song, appropriate for a wedding. I sure won’t be playing this song at my wedding!

This song is several years old. Yet, in 2008, I finally figured out what the song is really about. How many years did it really take?

Why am I bringing up this song and its lyrics? Well, I believe that song lyrics,(like many things!) we don’t listen to, well enough. To the people around us, to the people that are important to us. I wonder, how much do I listen to what people are saying? How many times have people tried to tell me things and I haven’t listened? Oh, I thought I heard, just like I thought I heard the words to I will always love you. But I wasn’t grasping the entire meaning.

Listening is so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we really are. So from this experience, I resolved to do my best to not just to hear the words people are saying, but grasp the meaning; grasp the totality. Easier said than done though!

So, are you a good listener?
Do you make regular eye contact with the speaker?
Do you ask questions for clarification?
Do you show concern by acknowledging feelings?
Do you restate or paraphrase some of the speaker’s words to show that you understand?
Do you seek first to understand, then to be understood?
Are you poised and emotionally controlled?
Do you react non-verbally, with a smile, a nod, a frown, or a touch (if appropriate)?
Do you pay close attention and do not let your mind wander?
Do you act responsibly on what you hear?
Do you stick to the subject?



Nothing hurts more than the sense that people close to us, aren’t really listening, to what we have to say. We never outgrow the need to communicate what it feels like to live in our separate, private worlds of experience. I suppose, being listened to, spells the difference between feeling accepted and feeling isolated.
The bitter truth is we can hear something without choosing to listen.

Roadblocks To Listening

## Preoccupation
It’s the weekend. The sun is beaming, there’s a slight breeze, and as you sip frozen lattes with your husband, talking about your latest accomplishment at work, you are startled; you see your husband’s eyes have suddenly popped out of his head! Of course, you can’t help but turn around to see what’s caught his attention. It’s a perfectly coiffed, shiny French manicured, expensively dressed women teetering by!

When your child returns from school, she is eager to tell about her day. You just got back from a hectic day at office. Before you know it, your daughter starts talking. Yet, all you can think of is how you are going to finish the “homework” you brought from office, before tomorrow morning!

Do I need to present any more examples? I think you get my point. I am sure we are all guilty in more ways than one. The thing is, we don’t intend the hurt the other person, the reaction just happens!

## What am I going to say next?
Before the start of my official lecture schedule in the first semester, the university organized an “Orientation day”. It was held with the intent of introducing the lecturers, as well as, the students to get to know each other. After the initial talk by the dean (to my utter horror!), he asked each of us to stand and say a few words about ourselves. While each person stood up and recited a few things, all I could think was "Oh no, it's going to be my turn to talk soon, and I won't know what to say (I was really shy way back then!)" that I didn’t hear what the other person was saying.

Did you every get caught up in thinking about your next point, that you weren’t listening to the other person?

Lesson Learned: Don't think about what you are going to say next, because while you are thinking, you're not listening!

## "seek first to understand, then to be understood..." ~Stephen Covey

Most of the time, we think that we are hearing what the other person is saying. But most of the time we just hear the things we want to hear. And we take that to be the entire meaning. You heard what you wanted to hear, instead of the message spoken.

Sometimes people are so concerned about making their point and getting what they want, they forget about listing to the other person’s side. Even if you disagree, and want to make a point, you’ll do well to first understand their point of view, then make yours known.

To listen skillfully is difficult. To listen impeccably, with fixed, full attention is a discipline much like mediation! It requires practice, rigor, and resolve. Make a conscience effort to the practice of listening; starting now!

If you want to be understood…. Listen.

"Real communication occurs when we listen with understanding. It means to see the expressed idea and attitude from the other person’s point of view, to sense how it feels to be him, to achieve his frame of reference in regard to the thing he is talking about." ~Carl Rogers

Is listening something you need to give attention to, in your life? Does listening come naturally to you? Do you have any experiences to share? Please leave your comments.

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6 Timeless Ways To Stay Out Of Trouble

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6 Timeless Ways To Stay Out Of Trouble

#1. It’s not what we don’t know that get’s us in trouble, it’s what we DON’T DO
What I was about 11 years old, I really liked played with my dog- Casper. Much of the enjoyment came from running around the house, with the fellow on my tail.! At the time, I had been given several firm warning by my mother- ‘DON’T RUN inside the house, you might fall and hurt yourself’. Of course, as mischievous as I was, I didn’t take the advice.
Then one day it happened. I slipped and fell. I knocked my face (mouth) on the edge of a hardy wooden chair. The repercussions of that incident are still felt today. As a result, parts of my front teeth are fake! Sh!!!!

That was just one example of my life that I shared with you. There are plenty more! I am sure that looking back, you too would have had your moments. How many drink and drive? How many speed and die?

On most occasions we know what we shouldn’t do. Yet, for various reasons, we still do….

#2. Be mindful of who you trust

There is no crash course out there, which will help you with this one! I believe that this is more of a trial and error method! The more experience you have with life, the easier it become to fine tune your judgment.

#3. Stay away from trouble makers

For some odd reason, I have found that ‘trouble makers’ make life interesting and exciting, for a while. Is the true for you?
However, after some time, it all fades away and you are left with pain, anger and frustration.

#4. Take care of your health
Eat healthy, exercise and drink a lot of water! Yes, you already know this stuff. Then why aren’t you doing? Ha… Point #1 proven!

When it comes to health, another observation I have noticed is that we tend to ignore or postpone illness symptoms. We wait until it is unbearable to seek medical advice. Sounds familiar?

#5. Try not to annoy people
Last October, I carried out a survey of certain factors that annoy people. Since, I have already written a post about this, I won’t duplicate it here.

#6. Accidents cause people!



Do the above guidelines work for you? Is there anything else you can suggest?

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5 Life Lessons You Can Learn From World Cup Cricket

#1. For different results, change the pattern

In a one day cricket match, the fielding side is always in search of wickets. The more wickets that fall, the better change they have of winning. In order to get the batsman out, the field captain will
-keep fielders at various positions
-vary the bowlers as he sees best

Basically, he will keep changing these variants, until he obtains desirable result.

The same principle applies in life. If you keep doing what you have always been doing you will get the same result. So, if you expect different results, you need to try out different things.

Know what you want
Find out what your getting
Change what you do until you get what you want
Nicholas Boothman

#2. Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING!

Sometimes in cricket you might not have any chance in
- catching a ball
- hitting the wicket to get a run out
- chasing a ball that's you know is going to the boundary

Or if you don't appeal thinking that it is not out, you will never know whether it is actually out or not.

However, you will always see the fielder attempting to get a wicket. Just because they feel that it won't happen, they will never stand and wait.

Just because it seems impossible doesn't mean that you shouldn't try.

#3. Pick your battles, CAREFULLY

A batsman can play a 4 or a 6 and show his colors. He can make a continuous attempt to go after the bowling or just punish the bad balls. Basically, his experience and judgment will make that decision for him.

#4. Expect the unexpected

We have had the liberty to see a few records tumble. One, that's been talked about the most is, Lalith Malinga's 4 wickets in 4 successive balls. The Sri Lanka Vs South Africa match was progressing steadily and at one point victory seemed a piece of cake. Malinga's last few overs made quite a twist. I don't think anybody thought that there could be a bowler who would get 4 wickets in 4 consecutive balls. Yes, the possibility was there, however it was never expected!

#5. In order to win, someone must loose.

Currently the Super 8 series is going on with regard to the world cup cricket.India's fate to enter the Super 8 series was decided on the India Vs Sri Lanka match. In which India lost to Sri Lanka.

'Sri Lanka sink a billion hopes' was one of the newspaper headlines, the following day! It really must have been a sad day for the Indian cricket team as well as their fans.

What ever said and done, at the end of the day, there will always be a winner and a looser. (or a tie!) In order for one team to win, the other must loose.

Dale Carnegie Guide To A Happier YOU

I didn't choose to write this post because I am a 100% happy person. Just like you, I too have my share of problems (or rather challenges!). Just like you, I have gone through many hardships to be where I am today.


Over the years, many people have helped me "get out of bed in the morning, when I didn't want to!". I am going make public one such person; Mr. Dale Carnegie. I have never met him. I have never spoken to him. He never existed in my era! Yet, he is one of those people who has influenced me to be the person I am today.

Oh well, if still don't know who he is…..
Dale Carnegie was an American writer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills.
In this post, I will share with you some of his inspirational truisms (along side my two cents!). I hope that it will guide you, to be a happier YOU.

Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see a bird that has the blues? One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.~Dale Carnegie

Yes, I believe it is a human tendency -the need to impress others. You want to impress your parents, family, boss, friends, neighbors etc I admit, I am no different. To a certain extent, I don't think its wrong. If what we didn't impress anyone, would we want to do more?
I feel that we try to impress everyone and as a result, end up unhappy. So in a way, our happiness is dependent on others; The things they say and do. What you really need to ask yourself is, do we need to impress everyone? Would it be sufficient, to impress ONLY a few people that matter the most to us?

Remember, happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think.~Dale Carnegie

Think about it. How is it that two people from related backgrounds end up so different? Is it the people they come across? Can intelligence, luck and hereditary explain it? There are many stories of people overcoming every possible obstacle and still succeeding. 
A research article over at MSNBC tilted Do you have what it takes to lead a happier life? suggests that we should think of three good things that happened within the day and analyze why they occurred.
Some days I really have to apply myself to find three good things! However, I have being practicing this since the day I read the article and found it to be rewarding. Try it out yourself. Can you steer your thoughts, towards happiness?

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.~Dale Carnegie

Our journey to the lost destination is never a smooth ride to say the least. It could be a bad day at work, an argument with a friend, relationship problems … the list goes on. Life smacks us hard when we least expect it. That's why you need 6 Ways to make you feel good (when the going gets tough)

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.~Dale Carnegie

It says it all, doesn't it?

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.~Dale Carnegie

Mr. Dale Carnegie was born into poverty on a small farm in Missour. In his teens, though still having to get up at 4 a.m. every day to milk his parents' cows, he managed to get educated at the State Teacher's College in Warrensburg.
I can give plenty of examples such as this. In fact, you might have your own stories as well. So don't stop trying. The silver lining may be an inch away. Easier said than done! (I know)

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.~Dale Carnegie

I will be happy when …. I get a better job
I will be happy when …. we move to our new house
I will be happy when …. I pay off all my loans

Sounds familiar? We tend to postpone being happy giving all sorts of excuses. I bet if, achieve our goals one day, we will still have plenty of excuses, even then.

We have today. For some, when you realize this, it too late. Don't let that be you.

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